Way Of The Heart – Guide 1 – Using Instincts In Love & Friendship


What Am I Going To Read Here?

This is the first of I donno how many more (!) such guides my curiosity has recently latched onto and wishes it didn’t. After all, to listen to one’s instinct comes with a massive emotional bill which, I’m sorry to say, none of us can afford to pay anyway.

Biting down and still going on, this is one sure fire way to know the hardcore reality of something in your life. No, it isn’t magic. No, it isn’t a stupid waste of your time (you have nothing better to do if your heart isn’t true). And no, I have not brought only my opinion to the table but have compiled ideas from all over, online and through the binoculars of observation and of course my own experiences.


So, What You’re Saying Is…

The best moment to summon your instincts is when your heart is putting up a tantrum—we both know I don’t mean a physical ailment here. To go through something painful where love, care, friendship or romance is concerned is not easy, ever.

While the fun times are heaven the sad times are hell. The worst of all is when you’re in limbo, a state of having someone you care deeply about—be it romantically, best-friendly, familial etc.—BUT there is neglect or ignorance from the other person.

Yeah, You Got It! Now How Do I Understand It?

Don’t get me wrong, such ignorance on their part can be totally unintentional. But it hurts far more than an actual breakup if for no other reason than because it leaves you alone with your thoughts, worries, anxieties and memories.

You start to recall the moments you had good times and when the other person cared enough to ask after your day or tell you silly stuff like ‘I missed you’ or ‘wish you were here’ and a thousand other positive sentences that needn’t posses logic but pack quite an amazing feeling.

Throughout this time, when a loved or cared for someone doesn’t engage your company your instinct doesn’t first scream ‘get the hell outta there!’ Instead it throws up all sorts of questions and tempts you to confront them with your hurts.

What happens is you inadvertently introduce ‘force’ into the relationship. The next time the other person plans on changing themselves because they care for you in return they’ll find it awkward and even humiliating.


Uh Oh, Here’s Comes The Truth And It’s Carrying A Weapon

As tough as this next part is going to sound—and I’m hoping you won’t send a "go to hell" card my way—you simply MUST let nature take its course.

The bottom line is if someone really wants to spend time with you or think you hold importance in their lives and that they can’t go a day without you in it, then that someone will DEFINITELY, 100%, EVERY TIME WITHOUT FAIL try to find a way to make you realize that. They will BE there, period.

In some extremely rare cases the other person will in reality be busy. What may at first sound like excuses why they don’t, for instance, respond to your text or call back or why they don’t want to do anything together and so on can all add up to them literally being busy.

However, a busy person has time for the important things in their life, right? As much as we love having certain people in our lives there come times when we can’t help but judge or condemn their behavior in relation to us. Neglect is worse than regret.

Oh, Man, No Wonder You Waited This Long To Spring This On Me!

When you’re done assimilating ALL those facts it’s time to sit back, free your heart first and your mind next. Empty them of any and all emotion trying to stealthily creep in when you’re just about to calm completely down.

Now what does your instinct say about that person in your life? The very first thought, feeling or sentence that comes up has a 95% chance of being an honest real-life report on that particular relationship.


Going With The Flow

Use that info to move forward or make a sub-decision. What kind of sub-decision? Here’s an example: You can allot a secret probation time for that person—keep the observation time long, it isn’t easy to lose someone—and see if they NATURALLY change and show you how valuable your friendship/love is to them.

If they don’t show any signs of including you in their lives, of trusting you with stuff, see if you can keep it simple and not feel hurt while still remaining in their lives.

I Know What You’re Going To Say Next But Say It Anyway

If that doesn’t work out for you don’t start by confronting them (they’ll only defend their actions and reflect the blame onto you, it’s only human so they’re not to blame).

Just pack up the good memories, bid adieu and NEVER look back. If it’s meant to be they’ll find you and tell you how much they were wrong to have let you go—this idea is applicable to both a romance as well as a friendship.

Wishing you a positive turn of events, hope it all works out for the best. And if it doesn’t just keep swimming and refuse to drown.

Note: Keep checking for the next ‘Way Of The Heart’ post about how to handle actually confronting the person you care about, if you feel that’s what you absolutely need to do.

Image Credit: Ines Diaz.


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