Way Of The Heart – Guide 6

6 Reasons Why Your Friend Doesn’t Spend Time With You

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There are some good answers and there are some bad ones for this kinda setting. The thing you need to know is Be Prepared. I say that because whatever the answer you deduce after reading this post you will have understood, deep down inside, what to do and how soon to do it.

People are best judged by their actions more than what they say. That’s the core essence of this post. After all, spending time with someone takes a certain amount of ‘action’ on the other person’s part, right? If they don’t do it that’s another ‘action’ through which they communicate one or all of the following…

Reason 1 – "I’m Busy"

This is the commonest reason or excuse, as the case may be, why your buddy can’t be there when you’re present and waiting. Take into serious consideration any logical facts, from geographical distance, time zones and lifestyle, all pertaining to your friend.

For instance, if your pal is all the way in America and you’re in India there’s geo-distance and time zone to consider, your biggest issues in this problem of spending time. And then there’s their lifestyle. They could approach the friendship in an American fashion while you take the traditional sometimes old-fashioned approach.

It’s this kinda clash in perspective that keeps one person guessing ‘Why are they doing this?’ Then there’s the other reason, which I’d best state in the style of bandage-ripping to save you prolonged pain.

They could be lying that they’re busy, because they don’t want to spend time with you. You’ll notice this when you take a few months to grasp their lifestyle and daily routines and see that they consistently say they’re busy for no real reason and neglect you more often than normal.

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Reason 2 – "We Have Nothing In Common"

This is a harsh truth but a natural and understandable one nevertheless. No matter how compatible or awesome you think your friend is for you if the two of you don’t share a lot of things in common chances are someone else will come along and make them feel ‘wow, me too, we should hang out’.

When this happens they leave, for no fault of their own, even though you may feel like strangling them and demanding answers why they left you hanging like that. If you’re determined enough to pick up on their likes and dislikes and try to model yourself after their preferences you might be taking a step closer to them.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s actually great to change yourself for someone you love, like your friend, because that way you show they’re worth the effort and are therefore valuable to you. You also fit the profile of all living things, namely evolving to become something better than you were before.

That said make sure you’re changing, one, for the better and, two, for someone who deserves it. When you see that the two of you aren’t spending enough time together and you also see that you have little to nothing in common take the hint and move on before it’s too late and you find yourself with too many memories to forget.

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Reason 3 – "Befriend Someone Your Own Age"

This line often crops up when you’re in the middle of a fight or heated argument with your chum. They can be younger or older, that doesn’t matter. There are several superb friendships between individuals who are years apart but find common ground and make the most of their relationship.

However, age differences mean preference differences. They may feel like going to this or that game, attend this or that concert, hang out at this or that place, few or all of which may get on the nerves of the other friend who has varied likes based on their specific age.

This again leads to lack of common things in the friendship and sooner or later pushes the two apart to opposite sides of the ring. However, life is all about learning. There are so many things you love today that you absolutely hated a few years ago.

Learn new experiences that align with what your buddy likes too. The two of you will then find a lot of stuff in common despite your age differences. You will also like to spend time with each other even more than before. That’s because seeing someone of a certain age do something markedly diverse from what their age ‘socially’ allows means they care enough for their friend to try that out. So that helps get you closer.

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Reason 4 – "You Annoy Me"

There really is no easy way to put this point. When your nuisance-habits outweigh your pleasing-points then the friendship is in for a rocky ride. It’s human and natural for people to keep away from something or someone that makes them feel less comfortable than they’d like.

If you have habits that you assume are endearing just because your mom or other people in your life take no issue with it doesn’t mean your friend, a whole different human being not related to you by blood, will.

Sometimes it’s a good thing. If you value your pal more than the annoying habit he may be good enough to tell you about, then you can change and get out of that cycle. Not only do you turn into a better person that habit could genuinely have been bad for you, health-wise or personality-wise, and you’ll later be grateful your friend helped you get out of it.

The shoe fits on the other one’s foot too. You have to be kind enough to sometimes tell your friend that this or that habit of theirs is so annoying it makes it hard for you to spend time with them. They most probably want your company and so will change because they are not ready to lose you or your friendship over a dumb habit.

Reason 5 – "You’re Forcing Me To Be Someone I’m Not"

This is the most misunderstood of reasons. Both friends will probably have a reason to use this statement against the other in an emergency-effort to understand why they aren’t spending as much time as they’d like to.

It comes down to personal perspectives and individual attitudes. Whereas one buddy looks at the same thing with one set of logic and reacts to it based on their life circumstances and how they have experienced and reacted to similar stuff for as long as they’ve been alive, the other chum does so in their own unique way.

Often these differing reactions nurtured by past experiences and cultural settings make it seem like one person is forcing the other to be a certain way. This has chances of reminding either or both friends of how they’re being forced to do things at home by family or at the office or workplace by employers and/or colleagues.

That’s just one relatable example of how people understand ‘force’. When they see such a dark and negative feeling happening in their friendship their first instinctual response will be to stay away. It’s a basic survival mechanism, after all, to want to pull your hand away from the fire when the heat starts getting to you.

But, there are times when a really cunning buddy will use that line as an excuse to try and tell you he isn’t interested in you. C’mon, people aren’t always upfront with others and they try blunting the blow using all sorts of sentences other than the direct most painful one.

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Reason 6 – "I Don’t Know"

This is a killer and it’s very much rampant in relationships of all kinds. Friends involved in this setting are rendered helpless because, one, it’s so ridiculously human to not know something that it’s okay to say so and, two, it offers nothing substantial by way of reason or explanation and that silences the two buddies unfortunate enough to have been caught in this scenario.

The idea of ‘idk’ means the other person could be hiding something or doesn’t feel like detailing their reasons. Just like ‘lol’ is used to cover up a moment where words don’t find proper placement ‘idk’ is used in a similar capacity.

If it isn’t a lie or an avoiding tactic ‘I don’t know’ becomes a very dangerous series of words. Not only does it instill confusion into the conversation or argument it also imparts a tangible sense of awkwardness. Those two emotions (confusion and awkwardness) have been known to push people apart much faster than the words that birthed them ("I don’t know").

One of you, if feasible, should break the silence and change the topic or laugh out loud at the same time to help massage the situation into a more normal state. After that see where the conversation flows and take it up from there. The two of you will automatically try avoiding that awkward-confused moment the next time.

If, on the other hand, one or both of you are picking up silent clues that the other isn’t interested in spending time with you and is using ‘idk’ (or other monosyllabic word/sentence choices) to convey that feeling then you’re left with only one option, move out and move on.

Image Credit: you me, QuotesEverlasting, Omar ReyesSuresh Kumavat, jakerome.

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