Way Of The Heart – Guide 3 – Asking Difficult Questions

For those of you haven’t, you may read Guide 1 and Guide 2 before you begin with this.

Way of the heart

What Should I Know Before Reading This Post?

When you ask the hard questions, be prepared to receive some tough answers. This phase of human emotion is a two-edged sword. A lot of yourself gets revealed to you by the other person than you may have realized at first.

This in mind, do take care and stash your sensitivity for the time being. C’mon, if you plan on putting a close someone in the hot seat then you need to take a hot seat too.

What’s My Aim In All This?

The main reason you are going to sit a dear one down and drag them into a rather scary ‘we need to talk’ situation is so you can accomplish three things. Remember the 3 Gets…

a) Get closer to them.

b) Get rid of baggage and unasked questions, not to mention nagging doubts.

c) Get back on good terms with them and go ahead in the relationship stronger or learn definitively that you’re in the wrong relationship, poisonous to both of you, and make plans to move out and move on.

Okay, Got It, Get To The Dagger-Stabbing Part Already!

There’s no simpler way to put this. Just sit your friend or partner down, keep the whole thing civil and calm as much as you can manage, and start addressing the topic, again keeping things cool and composed.

If an argument explodes onto the scene, just know there’s no way it could have been avoided so try calming the situation down or go along with the flow (because sometimes a loud-voiced argument can be beneficial when you’re asking tough questions).

This is the primary quick-leap you take into this verbal wrestling match which sooner or later will lay bare harsh truths about both of you.

Way of the heart2

Oh No, Can’t That Be Avoided?

You have to be immeasurably, inimitably, uncontrollably stupid (no offense intended) to assume such a thing. It’s only when we learn the harsh and bitter things about our lives that we make room for change.

Besides, just because you initiated the talk/argument doesn’t mean you’re right. A moment where you breathe deep and let the other persons share their views on the matter will help butter this narrow tunnel so the two of you come out in one piece.

What To Do If I Am Wrong?

Accept defeat graciously and don’t be a sore loser. Win or lose, don’t forget your main aim is to see if the relationship is indeed worth it for the long haul. Ask yourself…

a) Is this what I want for the long term?

b) Am I constantly going to be like this and never hope to change myself for this special someone sharing my life?

c) Have I started looking at them like an enemy now that the argument/conversation has ebbed and flowed?

d) How do I say I’m sorry and have them give me another chance?

e) How do I show them I mean to change and not just say it?

What To Do If They Are Wrong But Are Defending Themselves?

Just let them know it in no uncertain terms that they are wrong and that they’re defending themselves. Sometimes it’s okay to let emotions stew for a few days so they realize things on their own.

Or, if you can prove how they’re defending themselves, do it then and there or wait for a better time (depends on the people involved) and share your thoughts at that later moment.

Seriously, only you may have gotten close enough to open this wound of theirs and what you say could make them find that irritating thorn in their lives that’s made them so hard to be with. After that they can change soon or at least be aware of that thorn so they can try changing at a later stage in their life. See how important such ‘talks’ are?

What To Take With You From All This?

Valuable experience. That’s what you take back.

If you’ve learned something bad about yourself, you can never again say you didn’t know that. All that’s left for you to choose next is your lifestyle and any changes it may require.

If the other person was in the wrong they take back the same lesson as you and face the same lifestyle-change decision.

Moments like these help people grow. We are human and we all make a mistake now and then, not to forget its bigger cousin going by the name of blunder. The best thing you should do after all this is not smile and take things lightly. Yeah, you read it correct, do not smile about it.

What happened is a serious self-revelation on so many levels and seen from so many diverse angles. Take the time to think. Shut up, sit back, listen to some music, and think about some of the major points that came and went in that ‘we need to talk’ oven of a situation. The lessons you will learn from those 15 minutes will last you a lifetime.

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