Exercises For Dudes—Burning Those Love Handles

 

Don’t you just hate when those bloody goddamn—pardon my French—love handles refuse to quit hanging around your abdomen? It’s especially annoying when you’re slim everywhere else except for there. Whatever your present body shape, get one thing clear: THE best way to burn those handles is to exercise them off.

There are easy exercises to see an end to those saggy-sides, but not ‘other methods’ where you do no workouts and hope to get the same results. A quick point before we dive into the exercises. Reduce your calorie intake. It’s a plain and simple fact that calories go everywhere, especially your midriff, so get that into your plan and let’s get started. (Oh no, I almost forgot my Mom’s baking chocolate cake today).

hula hoop

1.    The Side Slip

In this exercise you start with a cliché. It’s called lying down. Place your hands, palms down, to either side of you—almost horizontally stretched, therefore not too close to your sides. Go ahead and lift those legs and bend them at the knees, until you have a 90-degree angle. Then you start twisting from one side to the other, touch the floor with a knee, lift off, twist to the other side, touch the floor there and repeat. Don’t flop about like a fish, that’s just lazy. Control your twist and you’re doing it right. You do this twelve times, each ‘time’ or set containing four twists. So, count four twists, that’s one set. Repeat twelve times.

2.    The Catcher

This one has you still lying on the floor but with your feet planted (knees pointing up); there’s no leg-lifting here. Your upper body comes into play now as you push yourself off and reach to one side (fists loosely held close to each other) imagining that you’re trying to catch something there. You lower yourself back down—don’t fall like dead meat—and then lift off, reach to other side (fists together) and do the ‘catch something’ action. This too you perform using the 4×12 method. You do four catches, making one set, and you repeat the set twelve times.

3.    The Stand N Twist

This one has you on your feet; no more lying down. Now, bend your knees just a little so you don’t get unsteady and keel over like a comedian who gets paid to do it in the movies. Keeping those knees bent while standing, get those arms up, your hands going to the back of your head. Your elbows are now your guide as you twist to the side trying (but not too hard, mind you) to reach the sides of your hips. Come back up—keep those knees bent—hold for a second, and twist to the other side. As usual four twists make up a set. Your sets should be fifteen now. So, four twists and repeat fifteen times.

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You gotta get one thing clear, fellers! [gasp… pant… Does anyone else feel like they’re gonna pass out?] When it starts to pain, that’s when you know you’re getting it right. Do this 2 to 3 times a week and that’s more than sufficient. Depending on how ridiculous those love handles of yours are, that’s probably how long it will take to get rid of ‘em, so be patient.

You’re probably asking ‘Who’s this bozo and how will he know my suffering?’ Well, sir, [pant… gasp… I swear, if someone says "Again! Again!" right now, I’m gonna kill them.] I actually tried the whole set, all three of those nightmares I explained above, and I’ve come this close to losing my sanity.

Hey, I hate my love handles even more than I hate these exercises, but one of them is my friend, so I’m going to stick to this routine or, so help me, the guilt alone will drive me nuts. I like this saying: ‘Misery Loves Company’. If you’re reading this and doing the exercises in your head, please join in, there’s plenty of misery to be had after which we’ll all know the true meaning of happiness.

And, wait, my Mom’s coming… NO, MA, I DON’T WANT ANY CHOCOLATE CAKE!!! 

Image Credit: Free Digital Photos.

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